Why, some may ask, am I poking fun at sad little Star Trek: Enterprise now? Can’t I just let it die in peace? Well no, as a matter of fact, I can’t! I’m sorry, but it was on for four God-awful years and I can count the number of watchable episodes on one hand! I kept waiting and hoping, but nothing! So I’ve got demons to expel. Besides, I can easily poke fun at anything Star Trek and I’m determined to do just that.
Guys, don’t take my dreams away. Some days, they’re all I have. ::Sniff::
Now let’s talk brass tacks. Why did Star Trek: Enterprise suck so bad? The answer is simple: the characters were awful. They were as bland as your mom’s unsweetened vanilla yogurt. Or your dad’s idea of porn (it’s called Baywatch, not Fuckwatch, Dad!). Yes, it was that bland. Note: that’s on the Star Trek scale of bland!
Wow.
“But Star Trek is awesome!” some of you will say. “You must be jealous, Geek!”
Sure I am. Feel better? Good. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Still tearing your favorite franchise a new one! Let the exorcism begin.