Billy, The Creepy-Ass Spider That Lives Under My Desk

I realize this isn’t my usual AGN fodder of choice, but between my computer problems, migraines, and nitpicking through my own private little essay about the Watchtower Society, I didn’t do much here online last month. So tough nipples. Here we go.

Billy the spider
Imagine this little guy with a blue
tie and a pack of smokes, and
you’ve got Billy the creepy-ass
spider in your head.

I was at work about a month ago (I try to show up at least twice a week so they’ll keep me around) and started cleaning up around my desk. I was sweeping when I noticed a big-ass spider just sitting there by a bug trap. He had one leg leaning against the entrance, waiting for something to come out so he could chow down. (I don’t think Billy understands how bug traps work.) He was taking a drag off a cigarette with another leg when he noticed me. “Sup,” he said, then went back to work as a tiny plume of blue smoke wafted to the top of my desk. Well, at least now I knew where that damn smell was coming from.

Anyway, I decided to leave Billy alone for a while. That’s his name, by the way. Don’t question how I know such things. Anyhow, I waited an hour and Billy was still there. I was afraid to look, but I could hear him puffing away. “Dammit, Billy!” I thought. “I’ve got work to do. Can’t you hang out by another bug trap?”

Don’t get me wrong. I could see that Billy had it tough. He had one leg missing and was probably an Ex-Jehovah’s Witness or something. I could tell because he was still wearing a tie and he had a flaming ball of old brochures he was using to keep his cigarettes lit. He had placed it behind the trap, presumably to drive something out so he could catch it in his mouth. Damn clever, I have to say. Poor little fella. His choosing my desk to hide under kinda made me feel … well … sorta special. I don’t have many friends, ya know.

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Site Problems, Computer Problems, and a Message From Grow My Vision

Hello gang. For the second time, the Stealth Login plugin messed up access to my site. If you’re a WordPress user, I suggest you ditch this plugin if you have it. I also rebuilt my computer today after my old set up was acting all buggy. So I’ve been a tad busy.

In the meantime, I offer you a message I received from

Hi please check out the press release below for details, if you can give the story a plug on your website it would awesome.

Thanks so much

Robin Davey
GROWvision media and promotion.

LOS ANGELES Wednesday June 25th 2010

‘The Music Made Me Do It’ Music video banned by YOUTUBE for its anti-Pope content.

The new music video for the new FUJI MINX single The Music Made Me Do It, was removed by YOUTUBE yesterday having received 12000 hits in a few hours after it was featured on many of the influential Atheist blogs. The video’s anti-Pope message was deemed too offensive by YOUTUBE and the video removed. The video features a scene of lead singer Greta Valenti dressed as a body painted topless devil, writing confess on a picture of the pope before setting it and an alter alight.
The video spread across the Atheist community like wild fire at the same time as message boards on religious sites rallied to get the video taken down.

The uncensored video has now been uploaded to VIMEO and can be viewed here

Lead singer Greta Valenti is a self described recovering Catholic, and also runs the popular blog ‘Masturbating Catholic’.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Oh, And Merry Christmas Too.

Christmas HottiesFirst, I want to wish you all Happy Holidays to annoy anyone who is bothered by the phrase Happy Holidays. Their pointless hate gives me strength. (I'm looking at you, Fox News.) Second, I want to wish everyone who doesn't care which phrase I use a Merry Christmas, '09 style.

My wife and I have been busily trying to move. One deal fell on it's butt cheeks, so we're working on another. Since we pretty much live in a dump, anything short of a cardboard box will be an improvement. Too bad about the first place we tried to buy–it would have made a nice Christmas present. Especially for my wife, who's a Jehovah's Witness. Insert sly laughter here.

Say what you want, the animated babes are hotter.

I'm also working on some new articles for Austin Cline, atheist extraordinaire, and hoping to see a little movie called "Avatar." You'll know if I saw it because there will be a review right here on Atheist Geek News. Hopefully, it'll suck so I can make fun of it. Alas, the reviews are very good.

For all the ex-Witnesses out there who are celebrating the holiday, have an extra scoop of holiday cheer. Only punch an Elder if he knocks on your door while celebrating the holidays. Make sure to shout "Atheist Geek!" when you do. Maybe an epidemic of busted noses will break out and they'll write an article about me! That'd be neat. It's the only present that could rival a new place to live. Well, there are even better presents, but I'm not sharing what those might be. Insert sideways glance at pics I uploaded to this page.

Once I've moved, I hope to start posting more frequently again.