When Jehovah’s Witnesses Try Reasoning With Us To Get Us Back In The Kingdom Hall

The great crowdWhat do Jehovah’s Witnesses have over most ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses? A written narrative for almost any question you can think of, that’s what. Thanks to the Society’s narrative, Witnesses don’t have to think about their answers when a mean old apostate raises objections about the Society’s teachings. They can just quote the Watchtower’s narrative without using their own reasoning skills. That’s fine for them, but it’s a real problem when Jehovah’s Witnesses turn that narrative on the rest of us–especially if they’re trying to pressure us back into “The Truth” with pseudo reasoning. Not because they’re right, but because they can use that narrative as a hammer to shame former believers into submission. As always, the rest of us have to answer their rapid fire challenges the hard way: by reasoning on the spot for ourselves. Aggressive Witnesses probably won’t turn you back into a blood-card carrying member anytime soon, but it can sure leave you feeling like a dope. Or even ashamed.

So how can an ex-Witness deal with those Watchtower interrogation lights without feeling like a total chump? Here are some easy tips that even the most timid exxer can handle.

Tip #1: Tell Them To Slow Down

slow down or die
For Jehovah’s
Witnesses, it can
seem like it’s the
other way around.

Sometimes, Witnesses aggressively browbeat ex-Witnesses on purpose because they think we need a kick in the pants. Other times, they’re just getting worked up because they truly think they’re right and they’re determined to make you think it too. Whatever their motive, there’s usually a pretense of having a civil conversation at work behind every reconversion attempt. Nobody wants to be interrogated, and that forces the Witness to pretend they just want to talk so we won’t run for the hills. We usually know what’s about to happen, but even the tiniest pretense is enough to cement us where we stand.

Still, when a Witness starts barraging you with questions faster than you can answer, doesn’t it seem perfectly fair to ask them to slow down? “Hey,” you could tell them, “let me have a minute to think so I can at least get the words out!” It might even force them to realize they aren’t treating you the way you’d like.

You can ask them to slow down as many times as you need during the same conversation. If the Witness starts to get impatient with this, you could remind them that you’re not the one with a library of books containing ready-to-go answers at your disposal.

Or you could even tell them that you feel like you’re being interrogated and threaten to drop the “conversation” altogether. This is a critical moment for your interrogator; the Witness must decide to maintain the pretense of civility or to admit they’re only interested in converting you by any means necessary. Such an admission can provide a socially acceptable out for any exxer who feels they’re being badgered to death. But I don’t recommend it. It’s always better to stand your ground. Otherwise, you’ll only embolden them.

Tip #2: Don’t Hesitate To Tell Them When They’re Wrong

dunce guy
Sometimes, ya just
gotta let them know
when they’re wrong.

“But anyway, we both know it’s the truth … right?”

“You just left the truth because you didn’t like the way the elders treated you!”

“This system is coming to an end soon and it’s time to fulfill your obligation to Jehovah if you expect to get through it!”

These are just a few of the assertions that Jehovah’s Witnesses make when they start putting the screws to us. We’ve all heard them. And you gotta admit, it takes nerve. as former Witnesses, we don’t believe any of these things are true any more. Yet Jehovah’s Witnesses keep repeating them as if to tell us–despite our true opinions–that we still think as they do. It’s as if they think we’re too stupid to know our own thoughts. So why leave these wild assertions hanging in the air, untouched, as if you agreed with them?

By allowing the Witness’s assumptions about you to pile up unchallenged, you are essentially agreeing that they are true. You are allowing the Witness to pigeonhole you and your opinions any way they want. This is basically a set up; they are defining you in a way that they can then attack with ease.

So every time they take a shot, you need to shoot those bullets down. All you have to say is, “I don’t agree with that.” If they stop talking at the interruption, you can fill in the silence with a quick summation of how you really feel. Don’t waste your time explaining the details of your reasoning to them. That only gives them a new angle of attack. Just tell them something like, “I don’t believe it’s the truth any more. And I don’t believe in Armageddon. So threatening me won’t scare me back into the Kingdom Hall.” Or you could say, “It’s true that I didn’t like the way the Elders treated me, but that’s hardly the only reason I stopped going to meetings.” You could even throw in something like, “I really don’t appreciate it when you put words in my mouth. If you really wanted to reach out to me, you’d ask me what I think instead of telling me how I feel.”

wronganswer
They usually do this to
everyone else, so they
SHOULD be able to
take it, too.

Even if you don’t have the courage to go on the offensive like that, just keep shooting their assumptions down. Every error they make reduces their authority and makes it easier for you to stand up to them. It’s always better to frame your opinions in your own way. Never let them do it for you.

If you’re afraid of being disfellowshipped, then you’ll have to keep your objections vague. Instead of telling them outright that you don’t believe their assertions, you may have to ask them how they know they are true. (See tip #4) Or you could just shrug off their assertions as if they don’t matter to you. If the Witness asks if you still believe in the Society’s teachings, you could accuse them of threatening you or trying to get you in trouble, all without answering them directly. Be forewarned: whether you’re fading or simply deciding to go inactive, debating a Jehovah’s Witness when your afraid of being disfellowshipped is like fighting with one hand tied behind your back.

Tip #3: Keep Your Cool … Even If You Want Them To Know You’re Getting Angry

Bugs and daffy
A Jehovah’s Witness and
a Mormon met in the woods
one day…

As I’ve said in other articles, Witnesses often mistake anger for a sign that they’ve struck a nerve. To them, striking a nerve usually means that you “know”–on some level–that they are right and you are wrong. That’s not a total victory for them, but they’ll end up telling anyone who ever knew you at the Kingdom Hall about it. That will only encourage more evangelists to bug you. So don’t go there.

Instead, remain calm and patient, as if you’re indulging them in a childish tirade. (Which isn’t far from the truth anyway.) If you want them to know you’re getting mad about their bad behavior, just do what I do: look them straight in the eyes until their attack is over, giving quick responses to their assertions all the while. Then, when they run out of steam, ask them if they’ve finished. You’ll probably get a blank stare. Then you can ask them to leave. They won’t be happy about it, but they’ll get the message without twisting it into a moral victory for themselves.

Tip #4: Remind Them That It Isn’t True Just Because They Believe It Is

skeptic catIf you want to turn the tables a bit and get aggressive, you could start asking them to defend their assertions.You could do this by simply asking them, “How do you know that?” whenever they make some statement that they assume to be factual when it isn’t. Always remember that beliefs do not equal facts.

Bear in mind that many Witnesses will attempt to back up their claims as they’ve been trained to do. Remember, they have the Society’s narrative at their fingertips, so this can seem tricky. In reality, many of their assumptions are built on other assumptions. You just have to keep pointing out each assumption as it comes until they run out of them or give up trying. Here are some phrases to keep at the ready:

“How do you know that?”

“But where did the Society get their information?”

“That sounds more like an opinion than a fact to me.”

“Seems like you’re getting all of this from the Society. What do the real experts think?”

“That doesn’t make it true.”

“So you’re telling me that Jehovah told you that personally?? Then how do you really know it’s true?”

Secular atheists will find this tip especially useful because we don’t have many assumptions in common with Jehovah’s Witnesses. For instance, if the Witness turns to the Bible to back up one of their claims, we could say, “Why should I accept the Bible as a source of authority?” Exxers who remain Christian may not feel comfortable going there. Exxers who fear being disfellowshipped may also have to limit their use of this technique.




About The Atheist Geek

The Atheist Geek is a former Jehovah’s Witness turned secular humanist. He’s a lifelong sci-fi geek and a writer wannabe.

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4 Responses to When Jehovah’s Witnesses Try Reasoning With Us To Get Us Back In The Kingdom Hall

  1. Robert W. says:

    This is why I say if you can move away, do it. Maybe you can move to a different community within in your current metro area, or skip town altogether an move 500 miles away. One way or the other this will make it more difficult for witnesses who already know you to find you, and the witnesses in your new area won’t know you’re an ex-JW and you’ll just blend in with the general public (a p.o. box can come in handy). Also, moving will force you to make new “worldly” friends. Remember, making new friends is one of the most important parts of the recovery process.

    • I agree. If you can move, this brings all kinds of advantages. For some, the upheaval will be too great. For others, the problems of living near a KH are even greater.

      I lived just 2 mins from my KH when I stopped going to meetings. Gobs of fun, that was. Wish I could have moved back then.

      I would also recommend leaving outright over fading out of the congregation over a period of years, but again, that doesn’t work for everybody. I suggest in a couple of articles that XJWs can officially change congregations – preferably to one that is more liberal (they do exist) or where apostate hunters aren’t as prevalent. Then, they just disappear from the other congregation without much wait. Those articles are here and here if anybody’s curious.

      As it just so happens, I’m working on something new to help address JWs harassing XJWs. 🙂 Hopefully, it won’t suck. Stay tuned. I have an extra day off and hope that’ll be enough to get it finished.

  2. Robert W. says:

    I moved from a small midwestern town to the suburbs of a big city on the east coast. I spoke to the C.O. at my old congregation and told him that I had moved and asked him for an official transfer. I had him send my publisher’s card to a cong that is in my new metro area, but over 30 miles away from where I’m actually living. He doesn’t know I’m that far away from the new KH because doesn’t know my real home address and he isn’t familiar this area anyway. I went to the new cong once just to make the transfer official and then never went again. I’ve never heard from the new cong and as far as the elders at my old cong know I’m still an active witness. I think my mom suspects otherwise, but I as far as I know she’s never ratted me out.

  3. Thanks for posting that. It might help someone in the future.

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