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Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Blue Screen Of Death

10/27/07 (A day late!) Sorry for the lack of updates this week. But the worst of my migraine attack seems to have passed. Here is my belated Uncyclopedia entry that should have come out on Friday.

I have chosen the dreaded "Blue Screen of Death" as your recommended Uncyclopedia entry this week. It made sense to me since I seemed to be suffering from one of those all week long. So how can the Uncyclopedia's entry on the BSOD be funny when the old blue screen sucks so bad in real life?

The Blue Screen of Death was a concept that Bill Gates had spent a lifetime dreaming about. His vision was for every home and office to have every screen as a blue screen.

I think that last part may actually be true.

Inspired by the initial success of its MS-DOS single-player RPG predecessors Bad Command or File Name and Abort, Retry, Fail?, Simonyi decided that future games should paralyse the entire computer, forcing the player to restart his PC during the course of the game so as to enhance the element of realism and active player-involvement in the game. In the first six months, he divided his time between sleeping, taking vacations, collecting massive paychecks, worrying about being "too rich", donating several thousand dollars to a random charity, spending several weeks demanding recognition for said donation, yelling at the TV whenever a rich Russian got into space, correcting mispronunciations of his last name, and living a far, far more extraordinary life than you ever will.

Remember that last part. Because it's probably true.

Here are two other reasons to check out the link.

Boobies are neat.

This one would have been cooler if Data had boobies. ::Sigh::

-the Atheist Geek-

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Satan

10/19/07

This week's entry is on Satan, my occasional guest blogger. Say what you want about the guy, but he's a hard worker and - best of all - he scares the living sh*t out of fundamentalists. Like all atheists, I generally keep him on my speed dial to help out whenever they show up on my front step with torches and pitchforks. He keeps promising to show me how to pick up hot chicks, but never does. (Sigh) Anyway, bear in mind that the first paragraph of this entry reads like a 2nd grader wrote it before learning that a period belongs at the end of a sentence. (I've found several Uncyclopedia articles like that ... I have no idea what the author of those article has against punctuation) So I would skip right to the section labeled "Career." Which brings me to the big question: why is the Uncyclopedia's entry on Satan funny?

Apart from his mundane duties in the underworld, torturing the souls of the damned for eternity, his relentless urge to drink out of the toilet,and constantly challenging Jesus to a Dance Dance Revolution battle, Satan works at the White House, advising the current President on matters of national importance, such as the color of his underwear. "Thomas Aker" to the people at the House, he is well loved by many of his colleagues, and often has drinks with them on AND off duty, to the extent that he forgets to return to the underworld to torture souls, leading many to believe they've ended up in heaven instead.

Here's a little more:

Satan's evil business can be traced even further back, however. In 1885, Satan invented Twinkies, which he named after himself. However, during Shark Week Satan sided with the Germans and all of his assets in the United States were seized by Robocop. Satan's fabric patent was stripped from him, the cloth was renamed satin and the process for manufacturing it was placed in the hands of metrosexuals.

Note that I almost did this one on Santa Clause, but decided it wasn't funny enough and would just weird people out. I always hated Santa Clause for making me wait until I was too old to give a crap before I finally got my toy Millennium Falcon. One time he left me a sock full of scorpions in my Christmas stocking, so that didn't help either. (Very funny ya old bast*ard!) Many people accuse me of feeling the same way about God, but those people can't be bothered to read my About Page. I'm looking at my in-laws right now as I write those words. Thankfully, my buds at the Uncyclopedia are talking about Santa Claus and not Santa Clause, so it's not a typo on my part. Oh, it's true.