Atheist Geek News out secularizes the competition!

Last update for this page was on Friday, 15-Feb-2008 07:22:56 MST

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Richard Dawkins

A lot of people don't like Richard Dawkins. Many see him as a champion of atheism, yet some of my fellow secularists think he's a real problem. Well, I have to tell you that most of the contributors to this Uncyclopedia entry don't sound like fans. Dawkins fans be warned! But to be fair, the whole point of the web site is to make fun of things, so what do you expect? (Note that the Atheist Geek thinks Richard Dawkins totally rules! Woot! Ahem, any way...) Here's one reason why the article is funny.

A biologist, writer, scientist, philosopher, free thinker, artist, humanitarian, pacifist, zoologist, propagator of Darwinism, defender of human rights, supporter of rational thought, public speaker, and a brilliant debater all frequently lecture at the same university as Richard Dawkins (Southwest Baptist Theological College in Waco, Texas).

Dawkins himself, the result of a gradual evolution of genes, memes and enzymes over a long period of time, is best known for constantly taking on Jesus and God in a three-way steel cage match. In these bouts, Dawkins goes by the name "Ricardo 'Superfly' Hawkman" (not to be confused with Jimmy Superfly Snuka). Sadly for Dawkins, his screaming "You're not REEEEEEEAL!" always results in him taking the same ass kicking The Undertaker handed out to Kane at Wrestlemania XX. Worse still, Dawkins enjoys it!

As I already suggested, if Dawkins is one of your heroes, then you'll need to put a little distance between yourself and the subject before checking out the article. Need a little more coaxing before you're convinced to give it a read?

Dawkins initially set out to conquer the food industry by starting up the chain "Dawkin Donuts".

List of early Victories over the supernatural and the absurdly improbable

Wotan ( head caved in by own hammer )

Unicorns ( impaled upon there own uni-horns )

Smurfs ( captured and sold to caramel )

Teapot in orbit around mars ( blasted to tiny bits by nuclear missile )

Elves ( stepped on them )

Zombies ( curing them )

Honest politicians and lawyers ( sued a politician )

Dawkins 7 - 0 The Yada Shmada Gobblygooky voodoo hooly groolies..

Go check it out! And if it fills you with rage, go read the articles on God or Jesus (or even Bizarro Jesus) so you can see that nothing is off limits at the Uncyclopedia.

Note: Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses should really check out the entries listed here. I would definitely recommend Hot To Be A Jehovah's Witness in particular. It was a featured article at Uncyclopedia! Now go play and have fun.

- the Atheist Geek -

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Microsoft

9/21/07

I've been having some of the worst computer problems of my life. The machine seems happy this morning. But is it reading this text? Is it plotting it's next move? You bet it is! So, in honor of struggling for 5 weeks with this evil monster, I offer you the Uncyclopedia's entry on Microsoft. But why is it funny, you might ask? Consider the following.

Micro$$$oft (the translation from German of micro schaft, literally meaning small penis) is the name of a now defunct software company coined by Bill Gates' first wife. Since its incorporation it has distributed duct tape, wombats, cinnamon, toilet rolls, Donald Trump, turnips, syphilis and horn-rimmed spectacles to numerous international markets. It has also had a minor role in the computer industry.

Still not convinced? Here's a little more.

Microsoft came about as the first ever green bin factory,this is how the fortune was made. In the legendary room 3.2567361 experiments were carried out to create a super warrior to wipe out the Polish. Bill Gates was given the contract by the government and experiments started in the summer of 1614. It took almost 400 years to perfect them and since Bill Gates made them they are still shit. He probably stole the idea from a post man, unfortunately this has never been proven so we have no one else to rant and rave about. These super warriors were never put into action and have just been dumped on the streets. This bunch are always getting drunk on street corners and beating up racist Cripples. They can be found on a street near you and are basically harmless. 'Gatesy' designed them to walk into polish houses and mumble nonsensically until the unfortunate polish guy died of old age or mild annoyance.

Curse you, Microsoft! (Shakes fist melodramatically...again) Now tell me how to fix my latest crop of PC problems! Whaaaaa!

-the Atheist Geek-