Atheist Geek News

From the mind of a former Jehovah's Witness turned secular atheist, Atheist Geek News is both funny (in my tiny little world, at least) and moderately informative. Check the menu bar below for an idea of the content that's waiting for you.

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

In celebration of my favorite hobby, this week's article is on ... Pornogrophy!

Warning: This article may have content not suitable for young children. Please cover their eyes with a mongoose.

Warning: Pornography is considered to be an addictive substance in many states, and as been proven to cause cancer in the state of California, so avoid using porn in the hellish gas consumer known as California, and take caution when using or planning to use porn anywhere because someone might see you and then they'll want the porn all for themselves. Women should not handle broken or discarded porn, especially in tablet form, because it will just give them something more to complain about. Children and families are not permitted to take porn because they might learn where babies come from. Offer void in Utah (where you can have 4 wives anyway, so why would you need it, unless of course you're a muslim and bored with the multiple wives thing and need the extra stimulation...).

See snelching for the latest in sexual wizardry.

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Because my wife loves this show ... and I'm really lukewarm about the whole thing (::yawn::) here is the Uncyclopedia's entry on MythBusters!

So why is it funny?

The MythBusters are known psychotic anarchists who operate under the alias Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage. They are essentially the 21st century version of Pinky and the Brain, except these guys are human, not in a cartoon. Adam is several IQ points below Pinky whilst Jamie is far more evil than the Brain. Every night, though, they still plan on how to take over the world or just how to break it more.

I always thought the show was about a couple of gay guys trying to assert their masculinity in an atmosphere of uber-conservative values. Huh. Who knew?

A picture of Jamie from his old job as male prostitute.

Told ya! Go there now to see what I mean.

-The Atheist Geek-

Featured Conservapedia Entry Of The Week

Thought I'd give you a Conservapedia entry this week for a change of pace. How about the right wing definition for "Evolutionism?"

You're probably wondering if it's funny enough to be worth your time. Well, consider this quote which appears near the top of the entry. (I dare you.) It is actually taken from this web site as opposed to the method preferred by Wikipedia, a book.

Evolutionism is a world-view, which seeks to explain every aspect of this world in which we live. It encompasses a wide variety of topics, from astronomy to chemistry to biology. At its core, it teaches that there were different stages in the evolution of our universe...

Another point from the encyclopedia that claims to be less biased than Wikipedia.

All the viewpoints take a step of faith as some might refer to it. In other words, there is a common starting point or foundational question (it's a God-related question) that each one asks, and then forms their conclusions around.

So this is how people come to decide on creationism? I actually learned about evolution and the Big Bang from books 'n' school and what-not. But I think they prefer to define faith more broadly than we rotten old atheists do. Darn us! And to prove that we're crazy (not them) the Conservapedia offers us this step-by-step process, which is intended to prove how "believers" in evolution arrive at that conclusion:

• There is no God (world view)
• Therefore we need to explain everything based on that "fact"
• Thus science is altered based on the "no God" idea
• Evolutionism comes before the Scientific Theory of Evolution. The science is based on the world view.

In case this isn't irrefutable enough for you, the article later offers us some quotes near the end of the page. Note that some of them ... well ... go back a ways. Readers of the Watchtower Society's Creation Book are plenty familiar with the tactic of quote mining I trust?

Okay, I'm not so sure that this article is so much funny as it is kinda sad. But it might be worth a chuckle or three.

-the Atheist Geek-

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

This week the Atheist Geek has chosen an entry on James Randi!

James Randi is the world's biggest killjoy and the evil twin of Santa Claus. He does not believe in God, true love, or the inherent cuteness of bunnies. His mission is to spoil everyone else's fun and make them sad.

Hey, lay off the Rand-man, people!

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Pseudoscience!

For this week's Uncyclopedia entry, the Atheist Geek has chosen a topic that is near and dear to his little heart: Pseudoscience! I dedicate this to that crazy uncle or other self proclaimed guru in your life who just won't shut up about alternative medicine. Especially those who are willing to pay triple what they would if they had gone to a real doctor. (And no I don't have anyone specific in mind. Okay? Just drop it.)

Pseudoscience is distinguished from normal everyday science by a special comittee known as the National Science Board, which includes such luminaries as Richard Dawkins, James Randi, the zombified remains of Isaac Asimov and one of those MythBusters guys; the slightly less funny-looking one. The NSB sits annually, which comes as a relief to their tired, tired legs and determines which scientific theories and breakthroughs are so incredibly, astonishingly, oscarwildingly awesome that they get put in the prestige category of Pseudoscience.

Word to the wise: anyone who tells you to stop taking chemo because vitamin-C will cure your lymphoma is kind of an a*shole. Seriously. Don't listen to them.

-the Atheist Geek-

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

UnNews Media Report: Fat bastards "not to blame" for "eating all the pies"

Yes, it turns out that the Uncyclopedia actually has a news department just like Wikipedia. I am declaring this news report as officially "not bad" and worth a listen. Bear in mind that this is an MP3, which you can download or stream to your computer.

-the Atheist Geek-

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Born Again

The term born again refers to a Christian who has been granted their request for a do over by God. The term is believed to originate in the Bible, specifically in Romans 3:16-17, which states: "If the King'f Englifh be good enough for ovr LORD, it be good enough for vs. Also, be born again."

More at the link...

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Jehovah's Witnesses!

Bring the pain, for it is good.

Any sensible human should have a glass box next to their door full of items to protect them and their family from these relgious nutters. Some items vital in this kit are a long stick with a knife on the end, (Jehova's Witnesses do not believe in wood and therefore do not see it, allowing you to stab or violate them with the knife.) a bowl of holy water to splash them with, causing them to fall to the floor in extreme pleasure, and a heathen on a skateboard, which you can push out the door. They will immediatly chase after the heathen, attempting to convert it. If all else fails, simply brandish something yellow at them. They will be filled with terror, and scream their retreat call ("Jehovah's witnesses, it's morphing time!") and turn into large lizards, which are immune to gravity. They will fall into the sky and you can resume your daily activities.

As always, the rest of the article can be found at the link.

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Robot Uprising!

The Uncyclopedia page is late again. This isn't because my headaches got in the way. It was mostly because 1) I suck, or 2) I was ass deep in babes. (Just so we're clear, you should usually go with door number 1 on questions like these) Anyway, I chose Robot Uprising as my Uncyclopedia entry of the week to honor Battlestar Galactica's Razor. As an added bonus, I also recommend How To: Survive a Robot Uprising. Both are funny and fill me with gladness. Perhaps you'll feel the same.

Sample from both of them:

In the near future, robots will rise up and make war upon the human race. We're totally fucked. Haven't you seen Battlestar Galactica? They watch that shit too.

So enjoy. If you dare.

-the Atheist Geek-

Featured Uncyclopedia Entry Of The Week

Pamela Anderson (Because I like boobies and I'm not ashamed of it!)

Do you really need any encouragement to read this one? How hard could it possibly be to make anything about Pamela Anderson funny? Think about it. Won't you?

Recently, she spent 0.01% of her financial assets ($300,000,000,000,000,000, if you're interested) on extra breast implants, thus making her boobs slightly larger than an average house.

This one isn't even a full sentence and it's funny too!

Anderson (a.k.a. Them Titties) was born in...

Uncyclopedia rules!

-the Atheist Geek-

Wanna see the previous Uncyclopedia page? Check it out here!

What does the Atheist Geek really look like?

Yep. That's me all right. Would I lie?

Behold! The Atheist Geek brings you... Pornogrophy!!

The one force great enough to keep me from going totally insane. (Sorry God.)

Today, the internet's most unbiased encyclopedia brings you ... wait for it ... Evolutionism!

The CreationWiki actually has an entry on the decline of atheism for some reason. I don't know if the CreationWiki will be a regular feature at AGN or not, but this might be worth a look.

So Who Am I Proposing To Now?

Bionic Woman may not be your favorite show, but I have three words for you: Big. British. Boobies. 'nuff said.

And now, the Atheist Geek brings you...

LINKS!

Go here for even more links that are Atheist Geek approved!