Review: Resident Evil: Extinction

You’re probably wondering what Resident Evil: Extinction is like. Well, do you remember those good ol’ Mad Max movies from the eighties? Not to mention the smell of that pig crap they used to make gasoline? Good. Now try real hard to imagine Mel Gibson as a boobless Ukrainian chick. Note that this can most easily be done while watching Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. (So beware!) Got it? Alright. Now imagine that Miss Mad Max is pretty much built from nothing but teeth, hair, and gristle (like your standard Milla Jovovich or Ali Larter type). Then toss her into the world of Day of the Dead (also from the eighties) and give her Jedi powers and you’re all set. You are now channeling Resident Evil: Extinction! Congratulations. What’s that, you say? This movie doesn’t suck as bad as Resident Evil: Apocalypse, but it isn’t as entertaining as the first Resident Evil movie either? Well, now you’re just channeling my opinion of this moderately substandard film. Get out of my miiiiiind!

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Review: Iron Man

Iron Man-The Poster

I just saw Iron Man, the movie. First things first: it didn’t suck, which means my review won’t be as mean spirited and evil as you’d wish. The movie was certainly enough to keep me in my seat. For someone who has trouble sitting for more than a couple hours at a time (I get debilitating migraines and junk) that’s a big deal. Iron Man also delivered for Robert Downey Jr. (a.k.a. Tony Stark) whose star is finally rising again. Made me proud to be a child of the 80s. Best of all, Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t get on my nerves. This was easily her least annoying role ever. I even thought she was totally bangable in this flick, which proves how un-annoying she truly was. Way to go, Iron Man!

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