Review: The Incredible Hulk!

The Incredible Hulk posterDoes anyone remember “Hulk” by Ang Lee? I hope not, ’cause that movie sucked. That p.o.s. was made back in 2003 and I still don’t know what the hell it was about. (Darn you Ang Lee.) But The Incredible Hulk — which¬† was just released in 2008 — is another story entirely. Marvel could easily just ignore the old bomb and start their franchise anew with this movie, which is what they seem to be doing. So if you’re worred that the horrifying stench of Ang Lee’s movie will be all over this one, fear no more. We even get shots of The Incredible Hulk’s creation in the movie’s opening scenes, which are clearly tailored on the old Bill Bixby TV series. This was pretty different than Ang Lee’s bizarro version of the Hulk’s origins. It’s as if Marvel is rebooting the franchise and saying, “Hey, we’re sorry about that other movie. We covered it in pancake syrup and left it by a nest of bullet ants to die a horrible death, then lit it on fire and buried its smoldering ashes in our back yard. So please give this one a chance. Okay?”

I did. And I didn’t regret it.
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Review: The Mist

WARNING: SPOILERS GUARANTEED!

the mistI have never read Stephen King’s book, The Mist. I have no idea how it compares with the movie version of The Mist or how Stephen King felt about the movie. But this I know: if the SciFi Channel made the book into one of it’s weekend crapfest movies, then the DVD I saw couldn’t have been any worse. In fact, the SciFi Channel version would probably have been funnier because the special effects would have been embarrassing. It’s sort of like comparing Battlefield Earth (the movie) with the Star Wars prequels. Any of the Star Wars prequels. Battlefield Earth was just as awful … yet it was also hil-ar-rious! You really owe it to yourself to dust that puppy off once every couple of years and watch it. I dare you not to start rolling on the floor at the first closeup shot of a Psychlo! Sadly, The Mist wasn’t as funny as Battlefield Earth. But it was definitely funnier than the Star Wars prequels. So if you’re looking for a plus side … well, there’s that. And the fact that I’m going to ruin the movie for you now so you don’t have to see it doesn’t hurt either.
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Review & Commentary: Stardust

The commercials for Stardust pretty much convinced me that the movie would totally suck. Naturally, my wife sat up and clapped when we saw the first commercial on TV, so I knew I was screwed. And not the good kind of screwed, either. These commercials made Stardust look boring, flat, stale … you know the adjectives I mean. So when we went to see the movie for real, the only questions on my mind went something like, “Is it really going to be that bad?” and “Will she hate it as much as I’m about to? I sure hope so.” After all, shots of Robert De Nero dancing around on the deck of a flying seaship and Michelle Pfeiffer going all spooky like Frodo from The Fellowship of the Ring isn’t my idea of a good time.


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