Or How To Make Them Go Away Without That Proud Grin On Their Face … Or Killing Anybody Either
Yeah, I know the drill. We’ve all been there. It doesn’t matter if it’s only been days since you missed your last meeting or decades. There’s always one more person who drops by, probably unannounced, because they “thought they’d see how you were doing.” Except both of you know that’s a crock. They’re really here to convert you, to drag you back kicking and screaming into the same beast you already left. They need to get their time going … you know … so they’ll only waste a few minutes on meaningless small talk before revealing the truth behind their clever deception. Gasp! What? You’re here to talk to me about your religion and how much I suck for not believing in it? Why, you tricked me! Well played. Bravo! Then they drone on and on until they run out of convert-you juice, which just happens to be about an hour so they can add it to their field service report. Good times, eh?
Things have been strained between you and your mom lately, haven’t they? (Just nod, okay?) Yeah, after years of skulking around and trying not to doze off at the meetings, you finally did it. You, a once loyal Jehovah’s Witness, stopped going to the Kingdom Hall and haven’t shown your face there since. Weeks have passed and everyone wants to know where you’ve been and what’s wrong…<b>with you,</b> actually. “Don’t you like the Watchtower Society any more??” they seem to be asking. You’re not expecting that lunch date to go so well with your mom this afternoon, either. (Good call.) But you try smiling anyway as you take the seat across from her. Problem is she isn’t really smiling back at you. It’s more of a grimace. Could you use some advice?
Or As I Like To Call It, “Guilt Much?”
Few former Jehovah’s Witnesses have managed to sneak out of their Kingdom Halls (or even stomped out biting and scratching all the way!) without being asked a question like this several hundred times–give or take. It’s one of those guilt-inducing questions, the kind that bullies and other controlling people like to fling your way every now and then. All ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses know that any answer we give–no matter how justified–will sound something like “a dog ate my homework, teach!” And that ain’t good enough. So your brain just sorta locks up. Suddenly, the best thing you can come up with is a few mumbled words about Elders or the Creation Book or whatever. Then they’ll just rake you over the coals for being a total lame-o before marching off in an indignant huff of superiority.
Then, two minutes after they drive away, the answers come flooding back. You know exactly what to say–but they’re gone. Well, you’ll show’em the next time they pretend to care about your feelings! Won’t you? Then it just happens all over again anyway.