Review: The Incredible Hulk!

The Incredible Hulk posterDoes anyone remember “Hulk” by Ang Lee? I hope not, ’cause that movie sucked. That p.o.s. was made back in 2003 and I still don’t know what the hell it was about. (Darn you Ang Lee.) But The Incredible Hulk — which  was just released in 2008 — is another story entirely. Marvel could easily just ignore the old bomb and start their franchise anew with this movie, which is what they seem to be doing. So if you’re worred that the horrifying stench of Ang Lee’s movie will be all over this one, fear no more. We even get shots of The Incredible Hulk’s creation in the movie’s opening scenes, which are clearly tailored on the old Bill Bixby TV series. This was pretty different than Ang Lee’s bizarro version of the Hulk’s origins. It’s as if Marvel is rebooting the franchise and saying, “Hey, we’re sorry about that other movie. We covered it in pancake syrup and left it by a nest of bullet ants to die a horrible death, then lit it on fire and buried its smoldering ashes in our back yard. So please give this one a chance. Okay?”

I did. And I didn’t regret it.


Liv Tyler make Hulk’s pants
feel funny.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t X-Men or Iron Man. It’s pretty much a straight on action movie, but it beats the older movie’s attempt at being “artsy” and “different,” which is the very thing some fans of the old movie liked. To be honest, I would have preferred a movie with a little more to it than “Hulk smash!” and “Liv Tyler very bangable.” (That last one was my line. It’s just how I speak in real life. Sorry.) But a solid action flick is better than a smarter movie that’s been badly done almost any day.

Edward Norton gives a solid performance as Bruce Banner in this film. William Hurt practically is General Ross, in my opinion. And, as already noted, Liv Tyler is hot. But I thought her Betty Ross was so supportive of Banner that it bordered on an old movie stereotype most of the time. Then, at long last, there’s Hulk’s arch-enemy, Abomination, who challenges The Incredible Hulk for the championship belt near the end of the film.

Where'd the Hulk's balls go???
One has a thing. The other doesn’t.
You decide who’d you rather be.

I have one thing to say about Abomination: he has no “thing.” That, ladies and gentlemen, is almost as disturbing to the Atheist Geek as the fact that he has no pants. Why, movie? Just tell me why? (Sadly, my graphic to the left doesn’t make it all that clear. Guess Marvel didn’t bother posting explicit “Hulk-shlong” photos for bloggers like me.) I suppose it’s also possible that Abomination has internal genitalia, but who really wants to think about it that much? Well, you go there if you want to. I’ll be waiting in the other room with my life-sized Liv Tyler doll and I do not want to be disturbed. Ya know what I mean?

There are also a couple of guest appearances in the film, including your standard issue walk-on by Stan Lee. Be on the look out. And unlike Iron Man, you can actually leave when the credits start to roll. The little surprise at the end appeared before the credits on this one. It also shows that someone at Marvel is pretty dang smart, cause the surprise will have you wondering what’s coming next. (Heh heh.) Very cool.

You go Marvel. ’bout time you came into your own on the big screen. I proudly recommend The Incredible Hulk to all of my fellow sci-fi geeks.

About The Atheist Geek

The Atheist Geek is a former Jehovah's Witness turned secular humanist. He's a lifelong sci-fi geek and a writer wannabe.
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6 Responses to Review: The Incredible Hulk!

  1. James says:

    Remember what Kirk found out in “Undiscovered Country”: not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place.

  2. One thing I do know: I would NOT want my nut-sack where my knees should go. That is just WRONG. What will he do when he has to get down on knee to tie his shoes? What if he meets that special girl and wants to propose?

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

    That’s what.

    Amen, Brother.

  3. James says:

    Yikes! Now you’re questioning God’s design? Careful, geek, careful…

  4. If there was a god and it put my balls where my knees should go … we’d have words. That’s all I’m sayin’.

    How does that one Star Trek guy pee, anyway? Does he do a Captain-Morgan-knee-up kinda thing? It’d get all over the place. Does it just run down his leg? Well, now his shoes are soggy. No intelligent designer there.

    Darn you, James. Now I’m actually wasting my precious synapses thinking about this. Grrrr!

    ;-P

  5. James says:

    More importantly, would you go around with bare knees? Not me – I’d always be wearing those knee pad things that carpet installers wear.

  6. There would only be on solution: massive, inflatable knee pads. I’m talking ridiculous-clown-sized balloons, here. And you’d have to wear or something under them in case some little kid tried to kick you through them. Kids are like that, ya know. This could also stop men with ugly legs from wearing shorts.

    One good thing. Chicks couldn’t get us to crawl around on the floor whenever they lose an earring or something any more. They’d have to find it their own darn selves!

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