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Review: J. J. Abram’s New Star Trek
By The Atheist Geek | May 12, 2009
As those who read some of my earlier Star Trek commentaries already know, the Trek franchise isn’t my favorite in sci-fi land these days. Sorry uber Trek-nerds, but the show is just too sterilized and bland for my tastes. I’ve been hoping for a much needed reimagining (or at least a reboot) ever since Star Trek: Enterprise first hit the airwaves. Then, low and behold, J. J. Abrams came along and made it happen! (Insert a chorus of angels singing here.) I’m sure many hardcore Trekkers began weeping openly when Abrams admitted he wasn’t a big fan of the series, but this only encouraged my dream for a better version. And by “better,” I mean one where humanity still has a long way to go before achieving paradise, or where battles are actually fast paced and (dare I say it?) exciting.
So … did my man J. J. Abrams deliver the goods? Or does the Star Trek reboot need a boot up its ass?
It was good, my friends. May the new Star Trek live long and prosper! (Please don’t hit me.) Since it didn’t suck, I won’t give away too many details. So it’s safe to read on if you’re planning to see it on the big screen.
I admit the beginning of the movie seemed a little off. Once that was out of the way, the movie rocked. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but this is definitely a reboot or–if you prefer–an alternate version. (They actually use the term “alternate universe” or “parallel universe” in the movie.) Let me highlight some of the changes which I see as improvements:
- The events and character histories have all been altered, so everyone has their list of problems. (Heroes with inner conflicts and flaws are way more interesting than a bunch of well-adjusted rubes wandering about the galaxy looking to make new friends.) In fact, some of the characters are misfits or losers instead of Star Fleets finest due to the altered time line.
- Wirty-dords! (::Gasp!::)
- Fast paced action, just as it would really occur if this sort of technology existed in real life! (The bad guys finally stopped waiting for the crew to discuss their options and started leaning on the “Fire all weapons!” button instead. And it’s about damn time!)
- The term “protocol” was never mentioned. Not even once. (Damn you to Hell Star Trek: Voyager!)
- Hot ass Orion slave babes in Star Fleet! (Thank you soooooooo-much affirmative action!) And dressed in lingerie. (My wang thanks you personally, Paramount! As do I.)
- The new movie pokes fun of the old Star Trek a little bit, too. You’ll have to go see it for yourself to find out what I mean.
I definitely recommend J. J. Abram’s version of Star Trek. Hell, I even hope we get a new TV series out of this puppy. And I’m not the only one singing its praises. Metacritic gives the new movie an 83, and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 95% freshness rating. So I say go see Star Trek in the theater or you’ll be crying like a little girl. I know one atheist geek who’s hoping to see a steamier make out scene with the sweet ass Orion hotty and Kirk in the director’s cut. Aw yeah.
"Uh ... Shatner says hi."
Now if only Lucas would let someone fix Star Wars…
Excuse me Miss ... but could you please love me?
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