Review: House! (To M.D. Or Not To M.D.?)

The cast

I’ve only recently discovered House. It’s one of those shows that I’m almost glad I missed during it’s early years. Now, I have a sh*tload of episodes to watch and I don’t have to wait a whole week in between doses. Let me start my review by saying this: No, I don’t wish Dr. House was my dad. (That honor remains with the T-800 and Sauron, Lord of Mordor.) I would be very pleased to have him as a crazy uncle, though. Sort of like Dexter Morgan from Showtime and that series of books.

I’m hardly an alternative health care fan, but I’ve had my share of problems with doctors who can’t be troubled to actually help with a medical problem they can’t diagnose in 10 seconds. House is at the other extreme. He’ll figure out your problem even if he has to kill you in the process. Right out of the starting gate, I like his dedication. I’m told that we Americans can like anyone so long as they’re good at their job.

Dr. House is an atheist. Which is cool for me, as I’m an atheist. His cynical, evil bitterness reminds me of the old me. He says stuff like, “It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies” or “She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor.” Not so sure that he’s doing much to further the interests of atheists, but he does crack me up.


Wilson’s teddy bear wants him
to just kiss House already instead
of talking him to death! He
knows Wilson wants to.

It can get a tad awkward when my (Jehovah’s Witness) wife is sitting next to me and he says something like: “Isn’t it interesting… religious behavior is so close to being crazy that we can’t tell them apart.” I try not to snicker, but then she glares at me that way and I can’t help it. Well, that’s three more boinkless months for me… Oh well. At least I’m not whipped.

Awesome as Dr. House is, he’s not the only draw to the show. There’s Wilson, better known (by me) as “the Dead Poet Society guy.” House is a cynic, but Wilson is all fuzzy and nice. Give’s ya coodies just thinking about him. Watching him and Dr. Cuddy try to puzzle out House’s motives is like watching my in laws try to figure out why I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness any more. (Those crazy kids and their shenanigans…) Note that Cuddy is best known as “Dr. Skelator” and “Vampira” around my place. I’d still bang her though, which is weird. Maybe she’s magic? Hmmm…


Is Dr Cuddy
(seen here to House’s right)
bangable, or merely
frightening? Answer unclear,
try again later.

There’s also Cameron, who serves a dual role as both House’s Dr. McCoy and the young, needlessly skinny white chick that all TV shows must have. You sometimes think she’s sweet on Dr. House, then she goes and bangs Dr. Chase for no reason. (Ratings boost? Seems plausible.) Maybe I’d be better off with an Australian accent like his.

Finally, there’s Dr. Foreman. He’s the black guy on the show. (Calm down … it’s just true is all.) Foreman is the one most likely to stand up to House. Maybe he’ll bang Cuddy and tell us about it so we can decide if she’s spooky or not?

Bear in mind that most of the characters I just mentioned have been replaced. Bold move, House M.D.! Except you screwed up my review. (Why is Kumar working for Dr. House??) This is why I hate Fox TV so much of the time. I can’t wait for Stephen Colbert to put them on notice.


Bang her now,
House! Damn you!

Anyway, House is cool. It’s my new Battlestar Galactica without the special effects. Go watch it. Now.

NOTE: So House is too chicken to bang Leighton Meester? I say bok-bok-bok! Date rape indeed!



Here, we see Wilson
and House deciding if
Dr. Cuddy is bangable or
not. Finally, they just
agree to go lay on Cameron.

Here, fans laugh as House
tries to help Wilson get laid.
But nothin’ doin’.

An unfortunate side
effect of House’s
drug addiction.

Wilson wants to be
a doctor when he
grows up. He’s just
gettin’ sooo big.

About The Atheist Geek

The Atheist Geek is a former Jehovah’s Witness turned secular humanist. He’s a lifelong sci-fi geek and a writer wannabe.

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