Review: “X-Men First Class”

X-Men First ClassI read the reviews for X-Men: First Class before deciding to see it. They’ve been pretty solid up til now … but that’s how it goes when a movie is new. Still, I told myself, James McAvoy is a good actor and I really like the way January Jones’s boobies look in that bra. So, shit yeah, I’m in. On the negative side, the idea of Kevin Bacon playing Sabastian Shaw is pretty damn funny. I could see him as Mastermind or somebody like that, but Shaw is basically the ultimate evil guy in this one. For now, just try to picture this: Kevin Bacon is evil and he wants to rule the world.

You know you laughed. Can’t be helped.

I had other reasons for concern over the X-Men prequel even as my wife and I made our way to the theater. First, prequels usually suck. I’m looking at you, Star Wars. Second, Mystique looked pretty damn ridiculous in this movie. Sadly, I think the actress portraying her should have spent another hour in the makeup chair. I’d still beg her for sex and then spend the night at a titty bar when she said no1, but that’s beside the point. Her whole look screamed “fake” throughout most of the picture. It was even more distracting than all the hot chicks parading around in their underwear.

The chicks parading around in their underwear was actually a plus, mind you. But none of this makes me thing “X-Men: First Class was awesome” or “X-Men: First Class sucked.” So which is it? Click on the jump if you wanna find out.

Continue reading

  1. That’s what always happens.

WTF?! I’m Still Here!

chihuahua tongueI’m betting you just woke up this morning and discovered you were still here. Like me, you thought, “Damn.” No more May 21st doomsday, huh? Thanks Harold Camping. At least I didn’t punch my boss in the sack yesterday. Not that he doesn’t need it, but that’s beside the point.

I’ve seen some pretty good doomsday gags suggested by other sites. My favorite is to take a bunch of sex dolls and fill them with helium, then let them fly over a field. Can’t you see it now? “Look at all those naked people going to heaven! Hey, that one’s got a raging hard-on!”

Continue reading

Doomsday, May 21st–So Long Suckers!

Picture
Third time’s a charm.
Right, Harold?

According to Harold Camping, the world will end on May 21st. Of course, Harold Camping’s argument is as irrefutable as any given by … uh … any totally random religious organization I might choose to mention. I’m sure cars are being overturned and cats are being set on fire in your front yard as you read this, so you might want to get a head start on hauling ass. Not that it matters. Cuz Jesus is gonna git ya.

Personally, I’m just hoping to get laid by someone with fully functioning lady parts by then. That almost never happens even on a good day. Dammit. So I’ll shower for the big event. You do whatever the hell you want.

Well, at least it wasn’t an elder who made the prediction. Maybe I can avoid the parade of in-laws waving signs about how right they were on my front step after all. That’s why I made sure to buy a home where the front step is so small. Only four of them can gather there at a time without falling off.

Picture
This cement never hardens.
Until someone steps in it.

There are land mines too. That’s why I don’t mow my grass. I have a slip of paper from the state that actually says it’s OK. How sweet is that? Keeps the kids off, too. Mostly. I still have plenty of mines left.

I just had my gallbladder yanked out like a grape off a vine last weekend. Ow. Jesus, couldn’t this have waited until I was on a real vacation or something? I’m just now able to move around without the help of 4 nurses and an ice cream cone for motivation.1 Thanks a helluva lot, Jesus. All knowing and wise? More like all knowing and inconsiderate if you ask me. Guess everything revolves around him and his precious apocalypse. No wonder I’m an atheist. Yeah, I said it.

I suppose no one will be alive to read the end of this post. Too bad. Or will they?

Continue reading

  1. A life size blow up doll of Alyssa Milano works too. Except my dick gets in the way of the ice cream.

Is That An Attack On The Watchtower Society Or Are You Just Criticizing My Religion?

Picture
Sometimes, we see the
world through two
different pairs of glasses
and we don’t even know it.

Ever since I posted my series about the November AWAKE! articles on atheism, I’ve started seeing more comments from Jehovah’s Witnesses here on Atheist Geek News. Some Witnesses say they only stopped here because they saw my “attack” on the magazine and wanted to defend it (or defend the Watchtower Society by implication as the magazine’s publisher). I take exception to this and wanted to explain my position for future commentators.

Here’s the thing. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone posting a rebuttal or offering a criticism to something I’ve written. Especially if what I’ve written is factually incorrect. I just don’t think words like “attack” are warranted here. Unless every criticism against everything is also an attack, that is. At which point, both words become synonymous and it doesn’t matter which one you use.

I would agree that there are hate sites out there run by people who truly hate the organization and its Witnesses. Some of these people are very angry. Some have a reason to be. But I don’t think this is one of those sites. To me, Atheist Geek News is simply a pro-ex-Witness site, one that offers up stuff for atheists and geeks alike. (If you happen to be all three, why not take off your coat and search for a spell?)

Continue reading