Review & Commentary: USA Network’s Burn Notice

Burn Notice

I’ve been meaning to do a review of Burn Notice for a while now. The thing is that most of USA Network’s programs are a little too “cutesy” for me. Even my wife, who normally loves that kinda stuff, has grown tired of Psych. Monk remains a favorite of hers, and I’ll admit that I had no trouble stomaching it for the first couple of seasons or so. For me, Monk has become the Home Improvement of the USA Network; I already know what’s going to happen every single episode and that just bores me. “Oh! What’s this one about? Is Monk’s quirkiness going to get him in trouble again? Yuk yuk! Aw, I never thought he’d figure out yet another mystery! That stinker.” Finally, at long-long-last, USA Network gives me Burn Notice!

I like Burn Notice so much that I’m reviewing it even though it hasn’t come out on DVD yet. Now that is something.

You should be seeing Gabrielle Anwar's pic here!

Where'd Bruce Campbell go??

If I had to compare Burn Notice to another show, I’d probably go with Alias (which is out on DVD as you can tell). Only Burn Notice is a little funnier and offers us Gabrielle Anwar as the skinny hot chick instead of Jennifer Garner. Sam Rami alumni Bruce Campbell is also part of the mix. Campbell is the perfect guy for the freeloading, hard drinking Sam Axe.

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Review & Commentary: Stardust

The commercials for Stardust pretty much convinced me that the movie would totally suck. Naturally, my wife sat up and clapped when we saw the first commercial on TV, so I knew I was screwed. And not the good kind of screwed, either. These commercials made Stardust look boring, flat, stale … you know the adjectives I mean. So when we went to see the movie for real, the only questions on my mind went something like, “Is it really going to be that bad?” and “Will she hate it as much as I’m about to? I sure hope so.” After all, shots of Robert De Nero dancing around on the deck of a flying seaship and Michelle Pfeiffer going all spooky like Frodo from The Fellowship of the Ring isn’t my idea of a good time.

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Review and Commentary: SpikeTV’s Blade: House of Cthon

I was always a fan of the Blade movies. I even had the musical score. So when I heard that good old SpikeTV was running a new series about the vampire killer – one that was made by one of the guys largely responsible for the movies to boot – I had big hopes.

I’d like to think that I’m not one of those genre geeks who gets overly sentimental about TV shows and that I can be pretty objective. Even if I think a show will absolutely stink, I will quickly admit it if I’m wrong. Well, despite having everything going for it, the tv series of Blade was a bit of a disappointment. It wasn’t awful, but it was definitely weak.

First, most of the acting was pretty uninspired. This, combined with the mediocre special effects and stunt work gave it a really B-movie feel. Kirk Jones just wasn’t right playing Blade. Jill Wagner was supposed to be the major babe of the series as Krista Star. But her delivery was so flat that she’s doing car commercials now. Speaking of flat, her greatest asset was whatever they were using to simulate major boobage beneath her wardrobe. Nice job. Except for the scenes where she wore stuff too slinky for the “augmentation” to work. And yes, I noticed! I’m a guy. Come on. Still, they were nice to gawk at. Note that, according to Wikipedia, the production team had tried to get Wesley Snipes and Jessica Biel on the show but couldn’t, so the money for the show was scaled back from their original plans. This could explain some of the shows problems.

Blade’s partner, Chen (Nelson Lee) was probably the best actor of the cast. Totally believable. Neil Jackson was good as Marcus Van Sciver. So was Jessica Gower as the blond and bejugged Chase. Some will disagree on the last two, but they were basically playing over-the-top vampires, so you really have to grade them on a curve.

On the plus side, SpikeTV’s censors are more relaxed than most other network’s. If you’re a free speech nut like me, that’s a good thing. Or even if you just like gritty realism in your entertainment.

At any rate, this first DVD only has the pilot. You’ll probably want to wait for the whole series to come out … unless you can’t wait to stare at Gower’s and Wagner’s hotness. But you’ll get more of that when the whole series comes out, which most likely will include the pilot as well. Still, if you can’t wait, here’s the link.

-the Atheist Geek-

Review and Commentary: Pilot Episode of “Bionic Woman”

Despite our impending marriage (still waiting to hear back from Michelle Ryan as noted in the bottom left of my old web site) I have to mark the pilot for Bionic Woman as good, but not super. I still think the show has a lot of potential and that further episodes will make me totally subservient to Michelle’s talent as well as her hotness. The thing is that Bionic Woman’s first episode was a little slow as many TV pilots tend to be. I also had a little trouble swallowing the idea that she was made bionic just ’cause her boyfriend wanted to give her implants to save her life. (Most guys think about doing this to their girlfriends, but for different reasons) I get the feeling that Bionic Woman would have been better served by a two hour premier that would have let them go nuts instead of just the one hour deal they gave us. But, you take what you can get.

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