That’s right, kids. The Governing Body is now the Faithful and Discrete Slave itself! High fives anyone? No?
Yeah, I wasn’t surprised either. Whoever had cash riding on this just got paid. Read more about it here. It starts to get interesting around the subheading When Did Jesus Appoint “the Faithful and Discreet Slave” Over His Domestics?
VIDEO Response – Jehovah’s Witness Documentary – We Want Your Story!
No, it turns out that The Dark Knight Rises is not a porno featuring Anne Hathaway in a fetish costume. Dammit. But it is the latest, and probably last, installment in a series of Batman movies that sucked way less than the ones we got back in the nineties. Oh, and to anyone who thinks Jack Nicholson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger, please stop talking to me. My faith in humanity has been challenged enough without that crap on my mind. Seriously, don’t make me destroy you.
So was the The Dark Knight Rises any good? What’s up with that Bane guy? Did Jim Carrey appear as the Riddler and ruin the whole film with a closeup of his batch? And most importantly, did Anne Hathaway get nude? (Spoiler alert: Disappointed!!!!)
Why, some may ask, am I poking fun at sad little Star Trek: Enterprise now? Can’t I just let it die in peace? Well no, as a matter of fact, I can’t! I’m sorry, but it was on for four God-awful years and I can count the number of watchable episodes on one hand! I kept waiting and hoping, but nothing! So I’ve got demons to expel. Besides, I can easily poke fun at anything Star Trek and I’m determined to do just that.
Guys, don’t take my dreams away. Some days, they’re all I have. ::Sniff::
Now let’s talk brass tacks. Why did Star Trek: Enterprise suck so bad? The answer is simple: the characters were awful. They were as bland as your mom’s unsweetened vanilla yogurt. Or your dad’s idea of porn (it’s called Baywatch, not Fuckwatch, Dad!). Yes, it was that bland. Note: that’s on the Star Trek scale of bland!
“But Star Trek is awesome!” some of you will say. “You must be jealous, Geek!”
Sure I am. Feel better? Good. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Still tearing your favorite franchise a new one! Let the exorcism begin.
My wife and I saw The Hunger Games recently. I had just read the novel and wanted a movie to poke fun at because I hadn’t done a mean-spirited review in a while. (Dammit all to hell and stuff.) So, like a serial killer in need of a fix, I eagerly stalked The Hunger Gameswith a club in my hand and a twinkle in my eye. Hey, I just wanted to make someone cry. Is that so wrong?