I’m betting you just woke up this morning and discovered you were still here. Like me, you thought, “Damn.” No more May 21st doomsday, huh? Thanks Harold Camping. At least I didn’t punch my boss in the sack yesterday. Not that he doesn’t need it, but that’s beside the point.
I’ve seen some pretty good doomsday gags suggested by other sites. My favorite is to take a bunch of sex dolls and fill them with helium, then let them fly over a field. Can’t you see it now? “Look at all those naked people going to heaven! Hey, that one’s got a raging hard-on!”
Third time’s a charm.
According to Harold Camping, the world will end on May 21st. Of course, Harold Camping’s argument is as irrefutable as any given by … uh … any totally random religious organization I might choose to mention. I’m sure cars are being overturned and cats are being set on fire in your front yard as you read this, so you might want to get a head start on hauling ass. Not that it matters. Cuz Jesus is gonna git ya.
Personally, I’m just hoping to get laid by someone with fully functioning lady parts by then. That almost never happens even on a good day. Dammit. So I’ll shower for the big event. You do whatever the hell you want.
Well, at least it wasn’t an elder who made the prediction. Maybe I can avoid the parade of in-laws waving signs about how right they were on my front step after all. That’s why I made sure to buy a home where the front step is so small. Only four of them can gather there at a time without falling off.
This cement never hardens.
Until someone steps in it.
There are land mines too. That’s why I don’t mow my grass. I have a slip of paper from the state that actually says it’s OK. How sweet is that? Keeps the kids off, too. Mostly. I still have plenty of mines left.
I just had my gallbladder yanked out like a grape off a vine last weekend. Ow. Jesus, couldn’t this have waited until I was on a real vacation or something? I’m just now able to move around without the help of 4 nurses and an ice cream cone for motivation. Thanks a helluva lot, Jesus. All knowing and wise? More like all knowing and inconsiderate if you ask me. Guess everything revolves around him and his precious apocalypse. No wonder I’m an atheist. Yeah, I said it.
I suppose no one will be alive to read the end of this post. Too bad. Or will they?
After plugging away on my little essay for some time now, I had hoped to turn it into a podcast that readers could download and listen to. I had even hoped to enlist one or two other ex-Witnesses to help read a few of the parts. (I asked Moxie about that a while ago via email, though I never heard back from her.) But even with a USB connector, it seems I can’t get decent sound with my cardiod microphones anymore. There’s too much hiss, and using hiss reduction creates too many audible artifacts. So…
Crap. And I was hoping to do a few of these in a series. I’m feeling cheap these days, too, so I don’t know that I’d care to get another microphone just yet.
For now, it seems you must settle for a PDF of my essay, which can be found here. Spread it far and wide, my friends. Complain about it. Etc. It comes complete with illustrations and links, plus a few comments from Austin Cline’s atheism web site.
Some day, I’d actually like to create a book with contributions from others. I’d probably end up giving it away as a PDF. But still, I was hoping to turn it into something like books written by the Daily Show’s staff, only for ex-Witnesses. (I’m talking about those books with Jon Stewart from Comedy Central’s Daily Show.) Maybe it’ll still happen. Ya never know.
Check this out. I got this email from the Center For Inquiry about their Free Expression Video Contest:
The right to freely express oneself is vital in a modern society.
We would like you to tell the world why.
Example videos can be found on our CFI Youtube page
Participation is easy: create a short public service announcement style video about the importance of free expression, upload the video to YouTube, and tag it with “Campaign for Free Expression Video Contest”. Videos must be submitted by September 20th, 2010, and on International Blasphemy Rights Day, September 30th, 2010, we will announce the top three winners.
Third place will get $500,
second place gets $1,000,
and first place walks away with $2,000.
Please see the full instructions and rules
before creating your entry.
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