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Blog Of Darkness: Farewell to The Master

12/4/07

Hey there kids. Uncle Satan here. I know it's been a while, but I've been working on "The Golden Compass." Now that the movie is about to hit theaters nationwide (and all the uber-Christians are ready to start protesting) my work is finally done. Now I can do whatever the hell I want for at least a month and nobody'll even notice. God, I love my job. But not half as much as today's hero.

"I am the greatest!
Woo hoo!"

Say what you want, but the Master is a guy who absolutely refuses to stay down. He's always smiling, always upbeat. Never down on himself no matter what. This isn't someone who lets those little setbacks get to him, ya know? Stuff like death or a constant string of defeats as the Doctor consistently hands him his a*s on a plate week after week for the last fifty years. The Master would see this and simply shrug it off. "It's just a string of bad luck," he'd say. "I really am the smartest. Heh heh. Hell, I'll be running the whole universe by lunch time tomorrow! I should really get drunk and hit someone just for laughs." Then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh. Like all Time Lords, the faces may change. But gosh darn it, the Master believes in himself no matter how he looks. Darn right he does.

Another shot of the Master,
laughing at the Doctor like
only a total douchebag can.

Did the Master make his share of mistakes? Was he a tad bit delusional or even megalamaniacal? You bet. But his blood turned out to be the active ingredient in Prozac and about a dozen other antidepressents. That's why I love this freakin' guy. I mean, just look at him. Real hard like. Do you see even a glimmer of doubt in those wide open eyes? Not even God has the cojones to wear dark velvet like that. And it's not just his ability to laugh in the face of his own blundering stupidity. It's the fact that he clearly chose that laugh and practices it daily in front of a mirror. Nobody really laughs like that, and I mean nobody. Surely people have commented on it by now. Yet he presses on, confident that others are merely jealous. "They wish they had my laugh!" he says to himself as he grooms his mustache.

Now that everyone thinks the Master is dead (he isn't, cause I'd know) I would like to offer the following tribute to one of the greats. So here it is, as told in pictures.