Last update for this page was on Sunday, 13-Jan-2013 07:53:06 EST

Boy, that master is almost as elusive as Robert Denby!
Blog Of Darkness: Farewell to The Master



Hey there kids. Uncle Satan here. I know it's been a while, but I've been working on "The Golden Compass." Now that the movie is about to hit theaters nationwide (and all the uber-Christians are ready to start protesting) my work is finally done. Now I can do whatever the hell I want for at least a month and nobody'll even notice. God, I love my job. But not half as much as today's hero.

"I am the greatest!
Woo hoo!"

Say what you want, but the Master is a guy who absolutely refuses to stay down. He's always smiling, always upbeat. Never down on himself no matter what. This isn't someone who lets those little setbacks get to him, ya know? Stuff like death or a constant string of defeats as the Doctor consistently hands him his a*s on a plate week after week for the last fifty years. The Master would see this and simply shrug it off. "It's just a string of bad luck," he'd say. "I really am the smartest. Heh heh. Hell, I'll be running the whole universe by lunch time tomorrow! I should really get drunk and hit someone just for laughs." Then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh. Like all Time Lords, the faces may change. But gosh darn it, the Master believes in himself no matter how he looks. Darn right he does.

Another shot of the Master,
laughing at the Doctor like
only a total douchebag can.

Did the Master make his share of mistakes? Was he a tad bit delusional or even megalamaniacal? You bet. But his blood turned out to be the active ingredient in Prozac and about a dozen other antidepressents. That's why I love this freakin' guy. I mean, just look at him. Real hard like. Do you see even a glimmer of doubt in those wide open eyes? Not even God has the cojones to wear dark velvet like that. And it's not just his ability to laugh in the face of his own blundering stupidity. It's the fact that he clearly chose that laugh and practices it daily in front of a mirror. Nobody really laughs like that, and I mean nobody. Surely people have commented on it by now. Yet he presses on, confident that others are merely jealous. "They wish they had my laugh!" he says to himself as he grooms his mustache.

Now that everyone thinks the Master is dead (he isn't, cause I'd know) I would like to offer the following tribute to one of the greats. So here it is, as told in pictures.

The Master testifying as a Mormon.

The Master lies about the size of his wang.

The Master makes a rare yet painful admission of inadequacy.

The Master gets turned into a freaking cartoon. WTF?!?

The Master bears the social stigma of his unfortunate choices in fashion.

The Master tries to earn his family's approval by pretending to be straight. No one buys it.

The Master, seen here with his elderly gentleman friend.

"The Master during a brief stint as one of Jehovah's Witnesses."

"Kneel before me or this is going right up your bum."

Even the Master gets himself caught on the old zipper now and then.

The Master takes his megalomania too far.

The Master weeps bitterly after a fender bender on the streets of London.

Here, the Master thinks about his favorite ice cream.

The Master during the '70s. Ick.

The Master takes a call at a crisis hot line.

The Master gets piss drunk and falls down.

The Master wants to know what
the hell you think you're looking at?!

Well, that's all for now kids. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do. ::snicker::

-Satan The Devil-
Huggable father of lies
Devoted Pastafarian

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