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Humor For Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses:
Top 10 Reasons The Elders Haven't Seen You At The Kingdom Hall

Note that "reasons" is just a euphemism for "excuses."

  1. You were out in field service when a band of rogue Mormons hung you up a flag pole by your underwear. They left you flapping there for weeks. (This is what you get from people who won't drink coffee in the morning. Sad really)
  2. There was a Highway To Heaven marathon on ABC Family channel and you just couldn't stop laughing.
  3. You lost your high lighter and couldn't underline the answers. GASP!
  4. Use the following on any Elder who asks you why you haven't been to the meetings: "I dunno. Maybe your wife should answer that one." Then grin smugly as you walk away. Hint: it doesn't matter if your male or female. Just let him figure it out.
  5. Tell them, "It's okay. I got it cleared with a higher authority." Then hand them a slip of paper that says, "Hall Pass: I excuse (your name) for time missed at the Kingdom Hall." Make sure to sign it, "Your heavenly father, the big 'J.' XOXO"
  6. You were boning up for Armageddon by watching reruns of Jericho and lost track of time.
  7. Distract him by pointing and shouting: "Look! It's Jesus! AND HE'S GOT A GUN!"
  8. Or try this: "Awww, wazza matter? Baby Elder gonna cry?" Best of luck to you with that one.
  9. Satan made you not give a damn for the last 6 weeks.
  10. Dog ate all your Watchtowers. (And your book study literature, your Kingdom Ministry, your faith in the Governing Body...oops)

-the Atheist Geek-

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