Last update for this page was on Sunday, 13-Jan-2013 07:52:50 EST
Humor For Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses:
Top 10 Reasons The Elders Haven't Seen You At The Kingdom Hall
Note that "reasons" is just a euphemism for "excuses."11/27/07
- You were out in field service when a band of rogue Mormons hung you up a flag pole by your underwear. They left you flapping there for weeks. (This is what you get from people who won't drink coffee in the morning. Sad really)
- There was a Highway To Heaven marathon on ABC Family channel and you just couldn't stop laughing.
- You lost your high lighter and couldn't underline the answers. GASP!
- Use the following on any Elder who asks you why you haven't been to the meetings: "I dunno. Maybe your wife should answer that one." Then grin smugly as you walk away. Hint: it doesn't matter if your male or female. Just let him figure it out.
- Tell them, "It's okay. I got it cleared with a higher authority." Then hand them a slip of paper that says, "Hall Pass: I excuse (your name) for time missed at the Kingdom Hall." Make sure to sign it, "Your heavenly father, the big 'J.' XOXO"
- You were boning up for Armageddon by watching reruns of Jericho and lost track of time.
- Distract him by pointing and shouting: "Look! It's Jesus! AND HE'S GOT A GUN!"
- Or try this: "Awww, wazza matter? Baby Elder gonna cry?" Best of luck to you with that one.
- Satan made you not give a damn for the last 6 weeks.
- Dog ate all your Watchtowers. (And your book study literature, your Kingdom Ministry, your faith in the Governing Body...oops)
-the Atheist Geek-